As the title suggests, my birthday is just around the corner. To be honest, I was very excited to celebrate it and had made plans of celebration last month. But right now, I just don't feel like celebrating it anymore. My mood swings have gone from bad to worse lately. I just feel that birthday is just the same as any other day. Perhaps, this is to celebrate one's existence. But mine? It is not worth celebrating for. I am down in the dumps right now. I am gonna be 24. When I was 17, I thought I would grow up and be different when I turn 18. When I turned 18, I thought things would be different when I turn 21. But til now, I am still clueless. I never know what exactly is going on. I am not different. I am not better. I just get worse. Lately, I am not appreciative or grateful of what is around me. I can feel angry or upset out of the blue, just like a mad woman. Yup, you heard me. I am calling myself a woman now, no longer a girl.
I don't know how I should continue this journey. I don't know what lies ahead. I don't know if I will be able to someone one day.
There was this one night, I had an argument with someone and I realized something. First, things are never fair. Second, no matter what I do, I am just... me. And I will never be able to fulfill the expectation of someone important to me... and ouch, that hurts. Third, humans are selfish, and I should learn how to be more selfish and self-centered. Fourth, things really have changed. As tears rolled down on my cheeks uncontrollably, I just thought of so many things. And they were nasty thoughts. People who once cared so much about me don't really care anymore. Yes, I am a grown up now, but does that mean I don't need them? Sometimes I just feel like getting angry with the world and the people in it and hate 'em all. (Now I am just being plain crazy)
I was very upset on my birthday last year. I don't think this year is gonna be any different.
I have the urge to strangle myself right now.
Don't mind me. Just having an emo moment.
Good morning.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment