What I have been up to lately~

I have been updating my blog regularly, but these updates are mainly my thoughts. I haven't been blogging about what I have been up to lately as I'm damn lazy to upload the pictures here... LoL. I didn't even blog about my birthday. @.@

Did not watch any movie recently... the last one was Karate Kid, together with Martin. =) A very touching movie. I'd like to apologize to Martin for making him wait for nearly half an hour in front of the cinema... :p ^sorry^

Lately, I have been spending a lot of time in Shall We Dance Studio... I'm now taking up Latin class too. ^_^ The reason why I have been spending so much time there was because I took part in the salsa performance for SWDS Anniversary 2010! Initially I participated just for the fun of it, but as the Big Day drew closer, I started to become anxious and thought about quitting for countless time. Fortunately, I did not. I gritted my teeth and stuck it thru'. It was one of the best decisions I made, as I learnt a lot and it brought me happiness. Perhaps, I should say, joining in this studio is one of best decisions I have ever made, as I made many friends, and all of them are nice and kind-hearted people. ♥♥♥♥♥♥

I shall let the pictures do the talking now yeah? =)

Presenting... SHALL WE DANCE STUDIO ANNIVERSARY 2010~














There are many more types of dance performance that day, but unfortunately, I do not have all the pictures... There were Latin, Hip Hop, Ballroom, Belly Dance and the list goes on...

My salsa class... =)



Apart from that, Merdeka celebration... Not that I'm very patriotic, it was just another reason to party~~~ TeeHee ^_^



Then, random night outs... I won't post so many pictures of the night outs here as you could see most of them in my Facebook...


Then... Tioman trip with my eldest sis~~

HAHAAHHAA this is precious... LoL

Genting Trip with friends from SWDS...~~


Last but not least... my convo~~~~~!!!!!!!!!! FINALLY.


Thanks to my daddy and mummy and yima... and my family... and my friends too... without all of you, I will never be able to make it this far...

Oh well, it's getting really "early" now. heheheheh... I shall blog about my birthday celebration soon. Good night peeps~

思念

前几天。。。在我看电视的时候，突然间听到王菲的 “我愿意”。。。 那首歌的第一句就是

“思念是一种很玄的东西，如影随形。。。”

这句话真的很适合形容我的心情。。。因为我现在在思念着某一个人。。。 可是我却不可以找他，因为我怕我会吓到他。本来我不打算让他知道我对他的感觉的，可是在毫无选择的情况之下，我逼不得已告诉了他。如果时间可以倒流的话，我决不会让他知道。虽然我知道我们之间是没有可能的，可以默默的守在他的身旁，成为他的其中一个朋友已经足够了。我这样并不是伟大，而是自私，因为若是可以这样的话，我会比较快乐。可是现在事情已经成为了一个无法改变的定居了。他既然已经知道了，我再也不可以若无其事，无无聊聊的找他聊天。现在我会怕打扰或吓到他。

可是我并没有不开心。。。因为我知道他现在很幸福。偶尔想起他的时候，我会告诉我自己，他一定过得很好，千万别去找他，弄到事情更糟。保持距离是最好的。

思念他的时候，我就会写在我的日记里。。。 今天我不可以这样做，因为我不会写华语字。只会用电脑或电话写出来。哈哈哈哈！这样做，我已经很开心了。写完之后，我会继续过我的生活。。。

我天天都告诉我自己，只要他开心就可以了。我也会好好的过下去。。。 尽量不要白活。我坚信我的幸福一定会找到我的。我的人生一定会多姿多彩，我保证！！

Life is strangely beautiful

A few days ago, I went out at the crack of dawn to get some breakfast... As I drove out, I was caught in a mini-jam near my housing area and I was cursing my lungs off because patience is not my virtue and to me, getting stuck in the jam is an utter waste of time. But there was nothing I could do other than cursing and cursing at that point of time is not productive. Well, it won't help anyway. It's not like the jam would move if I get angry and curse. Suddenly, a revelation came to me. Technically, it is not revelation, it is something I have known all these while, but never could truly grasp the concept. At that moment, I was looking at the clear blue sky, decorated with snow white clouds and the bright sun... Birds were flying and chirping away happily and as it was a breezy day. Life shouldn't be so hard. No matter how dire the circumstance is, we still could find a way to make ourselves happy... it is all a game of mind. In short, it all depends on your mindset. Perhaps, there are a million things out there that you cannot control, but there is one thing you can, your mind. Cursing and getting restless when caught in the jam wouldn't change a thing. Instead of getting angry and ruin my mood, I could have listened to my favourite music, read a book, or just simply enjoy my surrounding by observing it.

Then, I reached the restaurant, got down from my car and ordered my breakfast. As I was waiting for my breakfast, I sat down, lighted a ciggie, and watched the people around me. The stall owners, customers, waitresses, etc. I thought to myself, these people are beautiful. Life may have made them age, unattractive and plain, but they are beautiful. I believe that there is some kind of beauty in everyone. I don't know these people, yes, but I know that they are living their lives, making a living. That very own fact makes them beautiful. And that reminds me of something, the very reason I chose the beauty line. The very reason I fell in love with makeup. I love to beautify people. Yes, beauty has to come from within, but I think at least by highlighting their best features, it would give them confidence. It is extremely empowering to feel beautiful and confident. I would like to be the one who helps to achieve this. I love to see the smiles on their faces when I am done with my job.

I get it now. I really do. If you have a positive mind, everything you see will be beautiful and that will be the sole factor that is going to drive you on when faced with challenges or difficulties. We could never choose a circumstance, but we could always choose the way we react to it.

Finally, I see it. Life is strangely beautiful in many ways and I am happy to be able to discover more. I will continue this journey in making a difference, making the world a more beautiful place in my own ways.

I. Am. Happy.

Regret

Dear all,

Now, I know I should not be writing about something this negative just one day after my birthday, but I need to because these unsettling feelings deep down inside my heart are torturing the hell outta me.

I did the unthinkable thing and made a fool outta myself on one fateful day. Sounds just like me isn't it? Sigh. I feel so mortified and embarrassed and I really don't know what I can do to make things right again. How I wish I could turn back time or undo the things that I did. How I wish.

I did what I did not because I couldn't let go, I supposed it was just some unexpressed feelings in my heart (that I am trying desperately to get rid of and I am getting there) that drove me to do that.

If I do say so myself, throughout the years, I have learnt how to move on and let go, I just need some time to do it. I seriously don't know what the hell got into me. Perhaps it really was the alcohol doing the talking, not me. Because I never would have done such a thing. Just by thinking of it makes me cringe. And wanna slap myself. And feel like puking. It's like I can't even live with myself now.

I ruined something again. And I really do regret it... Thousand apologies. I'm really sorry.

The trip back to K.Lipis

Dear all, I made a trip back to Kuala Lipis yesterday and I just came back today.

Well, I would say this trip has cheered me up a little... and I am better compared to my previous state. At least, having my family around me made me feel safer and they really did occupy my time and I had no time to think of the things that were (and still are), bothering me. Frankly speaking, my mood is better now. ^_^ However, I still feel exhausted, because like life, every rose has its thorn. I don't think I will be mentioning any name here as it will be inappropriate... =) I just want to share my thoughts on this matter. Oh well, not newly found thought; it is a well-known fact, but I never really accepted it. I guess now I do. Do not expect people will change, because when you do, they never do. When you expect something like that, all you will get is disappointment. I'm not dreaming anymore and I would move on and NEVER look back again. I mean, come on, what's the point? It is not any happy ending, it is frustrating, and like a friend of mine always says, it is not productive.

Anyway, seeing my parents really did cheer me up. And my relatives and some old friends back there. I know I am not alone. There are times when you will feel really fragile and vulnerable... like the whole world is against you. There is nothing wrong with that because life always has its ups and downs. I don't care if people say that I am emotional and that I have no EQ. At least I know I will be fine after being emotional; I won't keep my feelings bottled up and when the exposion comes, the damage can never be repaired. So who cares if I scream and shout and cry once in a while? =)

Oh well, someone is now looking at me with evil eyes asking me to get lost now. Kidding :p

Gotta go peeps. More updates comings soon.

My Birthday Is Coming Soon

As the title suggests, my birthday is just around the corner. To be honest, I was very excited to celebrate it and had made plans of celebration last month. But right now, I just don't feel like celebrating it anymore. My mood swings have gone from bad to worse lately. I just feel that birthday is just the same as any other day. Perhaps, this is to celebrate one's existence. But mine? It is not worth celebrating for. I am down in the dumps right now. I am gonna be 24. When I was 17, I thought I would grow up and be different when I turn 18. When I turned 18, I thought things would be different when I turn 21. But til now, I am still clueless. I never know what exactly is going on. I am not different. I am not better. I just get worse. Lately, I am not appreciative or grateful of what is around me. I can feel angry or upset out of the blue, just like a mad woman. Yup, you heard me. I am calling myself a woman now, no longer a girl.

I don't know how I should continue this journey. I don't know what lies ahead. I don't know if I will be able to someone one day.

There was this one night, I had an argument with someone and I realized something. First, things are never fair. Second, no matter what I do, I am just... me. And I will never be able to fulfill the expectation of someone important to me... and ouch, that hurts. Third, humans are selfish, and I should learn how to be more selfish and self-centered. Fourth, things really have changed. As tears rolled down on my cheeks uncontrollably, I just thought of so many things. And they were nasty thoughts. People who once cared so much about me don't really care anymore. Yes, I am a grown up now, but does that mean I don't need them? Sometimes I just feel like getting angry with the world and the people in it and hate 'em all. (Now I am just being plain crazy)

I was very upset on my birthday last year. I don't think this year is gonna be any different.

I have the urge to strangle myself right now.

Don't mind me. Just having an emo moment.

Good morning.

It's been a while

Hi all, I've been missing in action again... :o

Nope, this time it is not about work or assignment or anything...

Someone once told me: "It is not easy to push yourself to do something". How true.

Now that I am taking Diploma in Professional Make Up, I feel that the stress is getting to me. I am serious. I feel that I am never gonna make it. I feel that I don't have the talent. I watch all my friends go to work with so much energy and enthusiast and hell I envy them. I watch all of them building their career and hell I envy them too! Everyone's working and yet I am stuck studying. Every now and then, if opportunities come up, I would feel tempted. I would feel like going back to event/advertising/PR... but I always tell myself, this is your dream. You chose it. You left your job for it. It's like I have a devil living deep inside my heart who keeps debating with me. "You can't make it. A dream is always a dream."

It's driving me insane here! To add insult to injury... people judge. I know I can't stop people from judging me and I am learning to deal with this. Sometimes I succeed in ignoring them, sometimes I don't. The determining factor here is... who are those people and whether or not I care for them.

But no matter what, I would fight the devil living in mind and I will prove some people wrong. I am not worthless. Not useless.

Right now... I just need to rant a little. Because I am afraid. Afraid of the unknown, afraid of the future. Afraid of failure. Afraid of losing. After ranting...I believe that I would be ok.

More updates soon, if there is any. :)

Happy Mother's Day!

To all the mums out there, Happy Mother's Day!

For me, I have two mums to wish. ^_^ One is my mum, another one is my yima, who brought me up.

I know that both won't get to see this, but then I just want to express my feelings towards them in my own little space.

To my mum: -

No, the adorable little girl is not me. She is my niece. ^^

Mum, happy mother's day! I know that I had been a pain in the ass when I moved in to stay with you and dad 9 years ago. I know that I had been really rebellious and immatured. I know that I always made your blood boil. I am sorry for not being the best daughter ever. I am sorry for blaming you so many years. I understand everything now. Please forgive me. I will not fail you, I swear. I will make you proud. Mum, I love you. :)

To my yima: -


Yima, thanks for bringing me up and loving me unconditionally. Without you, I will not be who I am today. I know that I hurt you all those years ago when I did something wrong and you had to send me away. I guess, I never apologized for what I did to you before, not properly, anyway. So here I am. Sorry. I am still feeling very guilty and I could still feel the pain when I had to part with you... But I will make it up to you. I will come back and visit you more often and I will fulfill my promises towards you. I already fulfilled one. I am a uni grad now! I hope you are proud of me. ^_^ And I hope that you will fulfill your promises too. One of them is to be there when I get married one day. You promised! hehehe.

And I just realised, I don't really have that many pictures of my family with me. They are all in lipis or kuantan. =.=| But anyway, they will always be in my heart.

P/S: I wanted to post this up earlier, but the darn internet was damn slow so I had to give up. Now it's much better.

Guys, gotta scoot!

Much love all~

Friendship is one of the most precious things

Dear all,

Mr. Insomnia wants to be my new best friend again. He wouldn't leave me alone. :( I guess this is becoz of my biological clock, which is totally eff-ed up now. But no matter what, I am always a night ghost. :) I am most productive and efficient at night. In the morning, I am just a walking zombie.

Just now, I had my breakfast/lunch/dinner with Julliette at Kim Gary, Sunway Pyramid. We talked for hours! Julliette dear, I am lucky to have met you and I am glad, very glad to know you! :) She said something which I can't agree more...

"Friendship is one of the most precious things in life."

It's so true. One of God's greatest gift is indeed, friendship.

Someone once said to me that she didn't need any friend in her life; friends are meant to be manipulated. I would like to tell her now, without my friends, I will not be who I am today. Although I might be an unattractive/ugly/fat loser in your eyes, but I believe, I am happier than you. Because I am always surrounded by very supportive friends who love me for who I am. I don't have to wear a mask 24/7 and I am comfortable in my own skin. I may not be as attractive or as rich as you, but I am happy and most importantly, I am not as insecure as you. I don't need the luxurious or glamourous life of yours to fill my life. A few hours of hanging out with my friends, no matter where we are, will do for me.

Whenever I am in trouble, my friends are there to help me.

Whenever I am upset, my friends are there to cheer me up.

Whenever I am lonely, my friends are there to be with me.

When I cry, I have shoulders to lean on.

When I laugh, they laugh with me.

We share everything with each other and we love each other, no matter how much we argue.

I would like to dedicate this to all my friends out there. You know who you are.


Guys, forgive me for being so corny here. @.@

I just want you to know, this is true my heart. That's right, true from MinMin's ♥

Recent activities

Dear all,

I have been missing in action from my blog for quite some time, before I quit my job, right?

Actually, my life has changed quite a lot, but I am really behind in updates here. To make it up, I guess I'll just have to blog about some things I have done recently.

Movies watched:

Freaking Hilarious. Two thumbs up!

A must-watch movie. As good as the first one

I watched both movies with Voon and Eva~ Thanks girls~ It was fun. Let's watch Iron Man 2 soon... I haven't watched... /_\

Books read: -

Sophie Kinsella is definitely my favourite writer. I can spend hours reading her books and I have read everything written by this fabulous woman. Twenties Girl is mainly about the relationship between an ordinary girl with overactive imagination called Lara with her 105-year-old great aunt who has already passed away, but couldn't rest in peace because she could not find her necklace, which meant a lot to her. No one could help her but Lara, because she was the only one who could see her. Sadie, her great aunt, appeared in the form of bold, fun-loving, Charleston-Dancing girl, demanded that Lara must track down her necklace. Annoyed and scared of her incessant shrieks and shouts, Lara agreed, although her life was a mess - her business partner has run off to Goa, she has just been dumped by her boyfriend and was still obsessing about getting back together with him. As the treasure hunt began, both girls, who had nothing in common, started to get along with each other and Lara's mundane life took a turn; she thrived in her career, she found new romance...

Oops, I guess I have said too much already... My bad. :p If you are interested in this book, you really should go get one from your nearest bookstore and read it! It will be worth your time. I laughed like a mad woman when I was reading it and my friends thought I was crazy! It's story is intriguing, hilarious and meaningful... Ten thumbs up! wtf. :)

Beyond the Blonde, on the other hand, is a story of a hairdresser to stars, Georgia, a small town girl who got the position as a colourist in one of the most well-known and expensive salons in New York, Jean-Luc. This books takes the readers into the glamorous world of bitchy women and men, mainly the salon's clients. Find out how Georgia battled bullies, found romance, endured heartbreak and betrayal, and fought the fear within her throughout the journey of her career as a colourist at such a glamorous salon! Beyond the Blonde is definitely interesting; but I still prefer Sophie's Twenties Girl! I guess preference is always subjective. :)

Anyway, thanks Kelly for lending me this!

And, I attended Kelly Clarkson's All I Ever Wanted Tour Concert at Bukit Jalil National Stadium! Many thanks to Julliette who scored me fabulous seats, for free! Yoohoooooo!!! And not forgetting Ms. Kelly Tey, who attended the concert with me~!! Kelly watched Kelly, wtf.

We did not bring camera to the concert, so no pictures were taken... BooHoo~
It was definitely worth watching! I would kill to have a voice like hers... seriously. She was simply fabulous...! Love her to bits! Anyway, if anyone wishes to take a look at the concert's pictures, click here.

Apart from these, I am taking up salsa class now, many many thanks to Voon and Eva ^_^
It's really fun~

And I am taking up gym as well, woohoo! I hate working out, but I won't stop!

Favourite hang out place for the past few months: Zeta Bar, Modesto's, Sya's place, Cs' pan mee restaurant (because of CHAIRMAN, of course), gym, shopping malls, etc etc.

Actually I have taken quite a number of pictures, but god knows, it is tiring to upload all here. Why do double work when you can find those on my FB? HEHEHE.

Wow, it's now 5.03 am... I really have to get some sleep, although I am not sleepy yet. :p I want to get rid of my dark circles!! They are annoying! If I don't have them, I would feel very very comfortable not wearing makeup everyday. I won't feel like sinking into the ground when I bump into people who have never seen me without make up....! I can only wish.... no more questions such as, "Why do you look so tired?", "What time did you go to sleep last night?" etc etc, which basically means "you look like shit" to me. Okok, just kidding.

Gotta scoot!

Much love all!

Bitch

Dear all,

First of all, let me apologize first as this is going to be a very angry and frustrated post.

I just want to let the whole world knows what I think of that bitch. How can one be so nice to you but stabs you at the back? How can one be so selfish and only thinks about herself? Her whole damn world just revolves around herself, and of course, money. She never thinks that she's at fault for what happened. Not at all. How self-centered is that? Who does she think she is? Just because she is rich, she thinks she has the right to lord it all over other people? Donating for charity every once in a while does NOT erase what you have done, you evil bitch. Please try putting yourself into other people's shoes. Yes, no doubt, the victims of your deeds are my friend, but even if they are not, I would still say the same thing about you. Stop pretending, you manipulative bitch.

Karma does exist, mark my words. Just be careful! On second thought, no, don't be careful. You deserve all that. More than anyone I know.

Stay Positive

Hey all. News flash. I've quit my job at Milestone, but I bet the whole world knows about it already. LOL.

I would like to thank everyone who accompanied me through my journey in Milestone. Pei Ling, Angelyn, Jaye, Jo, Julliette, Steven, Kenneth, Peter, Hon Weng, Nigel, my Edward korkor. It has been fantastic working with all of you. Thanks for putting up with me and thank you for working with me as a team. And I believe that this will turn into a lifetime friendship. I really do. And as for people I have met along the way, I am thankful as well. God knows, event life is hellish, most of the time. But for people like me, I find satisfaction in that kind of job. Masochist, no? HAHAHAH.

Angelyn babe, I am not cold blooded, of course I am upset about leaving you guys. But everything has its expiry date, and I guess, this is it for me. It's time for me to move on. But as for you, please do not worry too much. I believe in you and your capability. You have never failed me. I know you will do a better job than I did. Gambate, dear!

On my last day, I was so deliriously happy that I got higher than I was supposed to get at Kel's birthday party. wtf. Happy because I thought I got my freedom, finally!

But that happiness is short-lived. I was happy until Sunday. On Monday, I woke up in the morning, realizing I didn't really have a reason to wake up, so I went back to sleep. Til 2 or 3 pm. The same thing happened yesterday and today. I feel so drifted. I wanted some time to do some soul searching. But now I have the time, and I am not that happy.

So I just refused to wake up today. I had no reason to. But how much can one sleep? I had to wake up. And then I realised, no one was home. All my friends are working. No one was around. So I was so lazy to go out and get some food and I waited til 5++. Then I couldn't take it anymore so I dragged my lazy ass out of the house and into the car, in my big T-Shirt, messy hair and without a single trace of makeup on my face, drove to the nearest restaurant, bought some food and went home. I watched Desperate Housewives (again) while I was eating. So damn boring.

Then I came up to my room, played some songs, and memories started to flood my mind. I thought I got over those things earlier, but apparently, not yet. I am still hurt. I still care and I still wonder what have I done to deserve all these. But I will recover, I have to be strong. I can't fail my friends who sincerely care about me. I will keep my chin up and go through this. :)

After that, I saw Kelly online so I messaged her. Thank God for that. The stuffs that she said to me really really made my day. I don't feel so worthless anymore. Really, Kelly dear, thank you very much. :)

Recent updates my life

Then, Kelly's birthday party, which I don't really have the pictures yet, not all, anyway. So that will be in the next post.

Oh ya, my brother, my little brother, has gone back to Kuala Lipis for good. T__T

Farewell dinner with him at Ampang Lookout Point: -


What I am trying to say here is, life always has its ups and downs. I tend to focus too much on things I don't have and I forgot the things that I do have. It's bad. It really is. So, thanks again my dear friends and families, for being around. I am lucky to have you. I will try to stay positive at all times. Thank you again.

Much love all. Have a great week!

LIMIT

I'm reaching my limit. Very soon. Watch out for explosion~!!~!!!!!!

Frustration and Anger

Hi all, sorry, this is gonna be an angry and frustrated post, as what the title suggests.

I just need a channel to vent out my anger right now or I will smash my laptop, mobile and everything around me. Literally. wtf.

The past few weeks had been a bitch to me as I was at the cross road and I had to make a choice and take the chance. It was not a small decision to make and goodness knows how long I gathered my courage to finally take the chance. I thought things would turn out to be better, but I am wrong. Still wrong.

People can be evil and ungrateful to you, mark my words. No matter how much you sacrificed for them. No matter what you did for them. Once they know that you cannot be manipulated anymore, that's it. You will get to see the ugly side. And it is not nice. It is emotionally draining, infuriating, upsetting and goodness knows what else.

And yet I have never seen these evil people's downfall. I mean, shouldn't these people get their retribution for being like that?

There's a saying, what goes around, comes around. Does this even hold true? Or just some words to make the victims of the evil feel better? ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I am actually a forgiving person and no matter what, I believe I do possess a kind heart. But I am now pushed to my limit. I can't be forgiving to these people. I just can't. I hope they will learn their lessons one day. If that is ever gonna happen, that is.

Oh well. Time to get back to work. =(

Much love all.

Back to blogging state again

Hi all, I am back with a revamped blog.

I guess this is just a post to reactivate my blog. wtf.

After 7 months. Gosh, I am so lazy~

Anyway, I am still kicking and alive, and I will try to update this as much as I can.

See ya~